I'm going to be really honest and say that your story lacks interest at this stage. That is not to say that idea of a pole-vaulting iguana isn't without interest (!!!), it's just that your very linear approach lacks impact. Basically, you have a character that wants to get on a ledge - and then, basically, he gets on it. The idea of the iguana just finding the tape from the shipwreck feels too easy somehow - like he pops to the shops for it. I want you to have a look at this animation as a reference
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdUUx5FdySs
You'll see how a simple series of tasks is transformed into something intriguing - and perhaps you need to think similarly in regard to adding some extra 'oomph' to your own narrative. Or, consider the music below from the T.V series, Mission Impossible:
Have a listen and see if the music inspires you to cut into your story more and create some tension etc. At the moment, your script (which isn't helped by the one-line one-page thing) is very plodding. It could simply be a matter of thinking much more about the editing style - intercuts, close-ups, montage edits etc.
You know, as we were talking about your Time Machine essay, it occurred to me that you may be thinking it has to be ready for week 5? It doesn't. The deadline is week 12. It's the presentation that's in week 5... I think you maybe a little confused - as your Unit 4 essay intro isn't on your blog for me to look at - but your Time Machine essay is... Can you get your Unit 4 Intro on here for me to have a look at?
Interim Online Review 15/02/2011
ReplyDeleteHey Katy,
I'm going to be really honest and say that your story lacks interest at this stage. That is not to say that idea of a pole-vaulting iguana isn't without interest (!!!), it's just that your very linear approach lacks impact. Basically, you have a character that wants to get on a ledge - and then, basically, he gets on it. The idea of the iguana just finding the tape from the shipwreck feels too easy somehow - like he pops to the shops for it. I want you to have a look at this animation as a reference
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdUUx5FdySs
You'll see how a simple series of tasks is transformed into something intriguing - and perhaps you need to think similarly in regard to adding some extra 'oomph' to your own narrative. Or, consider the music below from the T.V series, Mission Impossible:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWGeRgFa-hI&feature=related
Have a listen and see if the music inspires you to cut into your story more and create some tension etc. At the moment, your script (which isn't helped by the one-line one-page thing) is very plodding. It could simply be a matter of thinking much more about the editing style - intercuts, close-ups, montage edits etc.
You know, as we were talking about your Time Machine essay, it occurred to me that you may be thinking it has to be ready for week 5? It doesn't. The deadline is week 12. It's the presentation that's in week 5... I think you maybe a little confused - as your Unit 4 essay intro isn't on your blog for me to look at - but your Time Machine essay is... Can you get your Unit 4 Intro on here for me to have a look at?